twenty-one
As a child, I’d watch the older girls at school, and my skin would itch with the anticipation of adolescence, impatiently awaiting the day when I could wear a short skirt and have opinions that were taken seriously. I wanted nothing more than to be a teenager. And then I became one. It turns out that what I failed to note through years of schoolyard observations was that teenagerhood is a condition that can often feel clunky and ill-fitting. For every good day, it feels like you have two bad ones. For every open door, there will be two that slam in your face. Growing up is difficult to grasp. It is uncomfortable and wonderful. Exciting and terrifying. Impossible to predict and easy to take for granted.
This week marks my twenty-first birthday. Entering this year of my life, I feel overwhelming gratitude towards every version of myself that has gotten me to this point. I feel the urge to thank every awkward conversation and every cringeworthy outfit. I feel indebted to every failure that forced me to try again and to every success that had my back. Naturally, I want to spend this time worrying about who I will be, what I’ll be doing or who I’ll meet in my twenty-first year, but instead, I am reminding myself of who I have been, what I have done and who I have met in the last twenty. Things are never as bad as they might feel, trust me, I’m a certified older girl at school.
Here are twenty-one things I have learned from the last twenty-one years— Happy birthday to me.
1. If in doubt, make a list.
2. Caring is the single most cool thing you could do with your life. Submerge yourself in hobbies and smother yourself with interests until you can’t tell where you end and your passions begin. The world spins on the axis of people who care.
3. Your morals may be strong, but they will never be strong enough to stop watching Love Island. The sooner you accept this, the easier viewing Casa Amor week will be.
4. Being sensitive will never be a bad thing. While carrying the weight of heightened negative emotions can feel unbearable at times, it is worth it for the moments of unfiltered euphoria and unbridled joy. Keep crying at Christmas adverts and lonely socks who can’t find their pair. Cry at the sunset and the toddler who waves at you from across the road. It is a blessing to see the world in the way you do.
5. You don’t want to cut your hair; you are just bored.
6. There is no such thing as being ‘too nice.’ Hold doors open, ask how people are, offer to carry bags, give compliments and let people merge during rush hour. It is so easy to make someone’s day.
7. Maths is difficult. Numbers are hard. Calculations are tricky. However, surprisingly, you don’t really need to know square roots or the nth term once you leave school. So, while sitting at the kitchen table and crying over your homework is endearing, it is a waste of energy in the long run. Focus on the things you’re good at, like reading love stories and laughing until you cry with your friends.
8. Boys aren’t mean to you ‘because they like you’. When someone likes you, you will know. You won’t feel anxious and you won’t overthink. It will feel easy and safe. And you deserve that. Besides, even if the mean boy does like you, you don’t want to be with someone mean. I promise.
9. Wear your glasses, and not just when you’re driving. As it turns out, there are a lot of advantages that come with being able to see, and I’d hate for you to miss out on them.
10. It is okay to change your mind! Keep learning things and let the knowledge inform the way you think. There is nothing weak about admitting that an opinion you once had is not an opinion you have anymore. Change is scary, but scary is good.
11. Being introverted does not equal being boring. Say it again. Being introverted does not equal being boring. You can be the most exciting introvert in the whole world (but no one has to know).
12. Write things down. Shopping lists, dreams, phone numbers, million-pound ideas, passwords, secrets and feelings. Write it all down. There are many reasons for this, but the two biggest ones are a) getting things down on paper is healing, and b) you need something for your great-great grandchildren to find one day.
13. If a situation doesn’t feel right, chances are that it probably isn’t. I don’t know what a ‘gut’ is, but I do think you should listen to what it tells you.
14. Friends are the greatest loves of your life. Find a best friend and hold onto them forever. As long as I am alive, my best friend has someone in her corner. I think that is the closest to discovering the meaning of life I will ever get.
15. Adopt the dog. It seems like a noble thing to do, saving a dog from a bad situation, but in reality, the dog is the one who saves you.
16. Going outside with wet hair won’t make you instantaneously catch a cold, but you shouldn’t do it regardless.
17. Try not to worry too much. This one’s ironic because I’ve been told this hundreds of times over the past two decades and resented every mouth it came out of. But please try.
18. Siblings are the best. Unfortunately, you do have to spend the first ten-ish years of your life finding everything they do to be completely insufferable, but when you grow up, you’ll realise how lucky you are to have them. I can’t think of two people I’d rather share my DNA with. Out of everything I get to do, being a sister is my favourite.
19. Never tell anyone what you wish for when you blow out your candles or throw a penny into a fountain.
20. Tell people you love them sincerely and often. Never assume that love is implied. Love loudly, annoyingly and deeply. Love like your life depends on it because I’m starting to think that maybe it does.
21. HAVE FUN! Things don’t have to be so heavy all the time! Go on a drive and pretend you’re in a music video. Do your makeup like you’re the star of a Vogue Beauty Secrets episode. Try on every item of clothing in your wardrobe on a random Tuesday morning. Life has always been, and will always be, for living.