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Vacillating

October 2, 2010

First off, I love the word vacillate.

After much consideration and debate with myself over the past week, I have reached the conclusion that I am not going to be able to effectively separate all of my projects. Ultimately, I just need to keep the one separate and just say, “fuck it” when it comes to the other. I have to learn to be ok with that. Truth is, I am a little anxious about this aspect of the business. I need to learn to not care what other people think; it doesn’t get me anywhere. But it isn’t an easy thing to do. I am also still pursuing available options to keep things compartmentalized, even though it seems a bit unrealistic.

I’ve been so on-point with some things the past two weeks and such a mess with others. If I wanted to hash it out here, which I don’t, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

I’m slowly molding into the long-retired writer I once was. It’s rather amusing to me. I keep odd hours. I mumble to myself and stare blankly into space at times, while in public. I am perpetually attached to a notebook. This behavior was much easier to get away with in nyc. It’s not really that unusual in that environment.The only real negative about this is that I’ve picked up smoking again. I started back briefly, after two months of success, when I had the steroid treatment. However, it is now in full swing again, as if it is the natural partner of late nights, long hours, and the creative process. The good thing is that I bought three months worth of smoking cessation products when I was trying to spend down my health care reimbursement account. My goal is to be off the cigarettes by the time I move at the end of the month. I am not proud of this relapse, but I’m not giving up.

I should start the packing process soon. I stopped putting things away a month ago. So, there are piles of stuff all over the place; at least it’s somewhat organized by pile. In my current house, I have a huge attic, and thankfully I saved all of the boxes from my chapel hill to durham move. I’ve actually already packed five or six boxes. Because all of the boxes are in the attic, and it’s somewhat treacherous to try to carry them down the ladder, I have taken to carelessly hurling them down the steps. So far, that’s the best part of the packing process.

I submitted my Phish ticket request this morning. Seeing as the deadline was 11:59am today, I waited until the last-minute, obviously. In my experience, it doesn’t really make a difference how soon or late you submit your lottery request. I only requested tickets for the NYE show and the 1/1/11 show, and I have no intention of paying to see more shows than just those two. Phishy pholk, however, know the firm decision to see a limited number of shows usually falls away when the chance to easily buy a ticket for face presents its self.

Many of my Phunky Bitches avoid the PT “penis party” completely, but when I am trying for tickets or they announce the upcoming tour, I always venture over to Phantasy Tour. Looking at My Phantasy just brings all those old memories and experiences flooding back. After all, I’ve been using PT for years and “going to PT” was the way to track your stats. (Yes, I am well aware that Phish has incorporated some of the set-list functionality into the Phish 2.0 site, but I still thirst for those old memories from time to time.) The Phunkies took over the community aspect for me a long time ago. For that reason, I never visit the PT forums, and that’s the only part of PT that I find distasteful.

Yay for Phish!

Boo for my, seemingly never-ending, fuck-ups!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 2, 2010 3:23 pm

    For those not familiar with the Phunky Bitches, and even quite a few fans aren’t, the basic intro is below.

    “The Phunky Bitches are an online community dedicated to bettering the live music scene by forming a women-oriented network of social friends. Since our inception in 1997, many strong friendships and powerful alliances of tour buddies have been formed. Many young women have been enjoying better concert going experiences as a result. We have transcended the limitations of the internet in many cases and become real life friends. We travel together, hook each other up with rides, tickets, and a place to crash when visiting. While this can be intimidating to new members, we always welcome new friends with similar interests and lifestyles.”

    It is fair to add that I am no longer an active member, but I am still a member, as my rights to the community haven’t been taken away. (I am not still a member in any capacity of the Jam Girlz, an offshoot of the PB’s, and I’m not linking to them.)

    The PB’s are a sad topic for me, but even though I’ve personally experienced heartache and been treated poorly at times by that community, I still love and support the organization itself. Without them, I probably wouldn’t have continued to see Phish after breaking up with the guy who introduced this little punk rock girl to the scene.

    FYI: I love it when I meet another fan who has musical tastes more like mine. They are out there, and when you find them, its kismet. Yes, there are fans who only listen to one jamband, Phish, and think most of the others in the genre are shit, or just have the same respect for alternate musical expressions, i.e there are bands as good, if not better than phish.

  2. Dianabol permalink
    March 5, 2011 3:02 am

    Love your posts, first proper laugh today, thanks for sharing.

    Dianne

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