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I Need . . .

July 22, 2010

A brownie, a beer, and a boy hug.

I don’t feel so great today. At present, I am very hungry and I have the sads.

While I am totally capable of listening to certain songs I’ve avoided since the beginning of the “dark time”, as I’ll call it, I am still not able to listen to a great many things. I shouldn’t even bother trying.

Maybe this is further proof that I truly am a masochist at heart.

Of course, as soon as I get home, I will probably resume listening to the tunes that are at least partly to blame for my writing this, but I can’t exactly get a good cathartic cry out at work. Tears and masochism really go together anyway.

Most loyal readers, I am not interested in discussing this post, please do not ask for details. You cannot help me feel better today. Period. End of story. Pushing the issue will be irritating and taken as disrespectful. I am not signaling anyone out, even though I know a few of you will take it as such. I’m just not in the mood this afternoon, and tomorrow probably won’t be any different, especially if I still feel bad; you’ll only be making matters worse. Sometimes, I want to discuss things, and other times I don’t. This is one of the latter. Unless you are a boy who will show up at my house tonight with brownies, beers, and open arms, then you can’t help. (I could also use an apology or a token of affection, but that is probably asking for too much.)

Note: There are a couple of people who may think this is about them–the post, not the previous comment. It isn’t about any one person. I shouldn’t even have to add notes like this, but I’m feeling very vulnerable.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 23, 2010 12:15 am

    I feel ya.

  2. July 23, 2010 12:43 pm

    The world works in mysterious ways. No boys materialized last night. No brownies or beers were presented. But, I did get a dinner invite for Sunday this morning, where there will be plenty of beers and some grilling. There will be an old boy friend, and plenty of hugs.

    I only find this amazing because the offer came out of the blue from someone who I am certain does not read here!

    Even before that, I was already making plans to spend time with my bestie in TN next weekend. There will be alcohol. There will be multiple hugs from both of my gay boyfriends. They don’t read here either. Well, my primary gay boyfriend’s boyfriend may read here. But that seems unlikely. They get personal info times 100 anyway, and I don’t think they thirst for much more!

    For the record, my hormones are insane—off the charts like a teenager. So, forgive my emo tendencies for a bit. I don’t know when things will settle down, but it better not take too much longer!

    Is it possible that my boy friends deal with my crazy hormones better than any lady friend ever could? I think so, with just a few exceptions.

  3. July 23, 2010 12:57 pm

    It is very possible, because most of the time, which only a few exceptions, that’s how it works for me too.

    I’m in the heartbroken, crying-every-night mode so I’m sure my hormones are all out of whack too!

  4. July 23, 2010 12:57 pm

    And I managed to end every sentence with “too”!


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